My Soul Laid Bare
by Jedi Jesi Jiin
Summary: Love has never come easy for Luke. But when Mara returns to the Jedi Academy to make amends after a vicious fight between her and Luke, she stumbles upon Luke's deepest-kept secret. The question is: will this discovery destroy their hard-earned friendship, or lead to something more?
1. Prologue

**My Soul Laid Bare**

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 _ **A/N1:**_ **AU story!**

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 _ **A/N2:**_ _I do not own Star Wars._

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 ** _A/N3:_** _This story is intentionally short, so please enjoy as it is. Also, it falls within the 'Legends'_

 _Timeline but is **AU** in nature._

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 **Prologue:**

Everything was just perfect: the guests were all in attendance, the cake was a piece of art, and the decorations seemed to glitter with a life of their own. The general buzz of expectation filled the air as attendees awaited the beginning of the event that had been months in planning.

Yet still, when she looked at her reflection she knew that she'd strung him along for far too long. She still didn't know why she had said yes when he'd popped the big question: she hadn't even figured out her own life, how was she supposed to start a new one with someone else?

She still didn't have the Force, and it had been well over a year since the _Eye of Palpatine_ had been destroyed. Why hadn't she walked away from him on Nam Chorios like she'd planned? Why hadn't she turned her back on him then, and saved herself the heartbreak she was about to give _him_ when she didn't walk that aisle?

Instead of leaving him permanently then, she had taken one look into his blue eyes and had felt her resolve crumble into dust. She'd walked to him, her feet moving of their own volition until she was hugging him to her.

His arms had wrapped about her, and she didn't need the Force to feel his happiness that she'd come back to him.

She'd said yes without thinking when he'd proposed to her a few weeks later, and that very night had lain awake in bed, wondering why she'd agreed to it.

In order to keep herself from thinking about the fact that she didn't _really_ want to marry him, she'd thrown herself into the planning. She'd been part of everything, and hadn't slept much…

But, as it always did, time slipped away and now here she sat, wearing the most gorgeous wedding gown she could have imagined… and more than ready to walk out the back door.

Because she couldn't face him… she couldn't look into his eyes, because she knew her resolve would again crumble. This time, she needed to be strong. She needed to leave… and to learn to live without Luke Skywalker.

And as much as it would hurt him, he would one day see that she was doing him a favor.

Closing her eyes as a few tears escaped, Callista Ming stood, feeling like the coward she was acting like… and snuck out the back way.

 **00000**

"Kid, you gotta relax," Han remarked with a smirk as he watched Luke Skywalker fidget like a school-boy. "You don't want to be all worked up and sweaty when Callista takes your hand, do you?"

Luke blanched, wiping his hands on his pants and trying to be subtle about it as the sea of eyes watched.

"I don't know Han…" Luke murmured to his brother-in-law. "I just can't shake the feeling that Callista's hiding something. I've tried to get her to open up, but she assures me each time that it's just wedding jitters."

Han's smirk slowly grew into his famous lopsided grin. "And what do you call what you're doing now?"

Luke chuckled, grateful for the tension-breaker.

"You're right, Han." He took a deep, steadying breath, trying to steady his fluttering heart. "There's nothing to worry about."

"That's the way to think." Han gently patted him on the shoulder.

Luke nodded, still a little shaky from nerves. When the melody playing in the background changed from lobby-music to the march chosen by his bride for the wedding party, Luke straightened, swallowing nervously.

 _Why, if there's nothing to worry about, do I feel so ill-at-ease?_ Luke asked himself as the bridesmaids walked the long aisle.

His heart lightened a touch when his twin sister walked in as Callista's Matron of Honor. Leia Organa Solo looked resplendent in her glistening gown, and her face showed how happy she was for her brother.

Luke beamed back, sending her a mental nudge in the Force. She winked at him in return and took her place.

The ring-bearer and flower girl walked the aisle with as much seriousness as children could. Once the path was littered with flower petals Luke cleared his throat softly, ready to see his beautiful bride.

He breathed deeply, feeling the first stirrings of misgivings in his heart when the woman was late in taking her cue. He threw the barest hint of a glance in the direction of the cameras positioned all over the room.

What a story the reports would have to tell if by some freak accident Callista left him standing here like some love-sick fool. He shook himself mentally and waited patiently, assuring himself that there was a very good reason that the bride was late.

 _Maybe she had to use the refresher._ Luke thought, pleased that he'd come up with a plausible solution.

Force knew that answering nature's call in a wedding gown had to be an adventure all on its own.

He swallowed a smile, not wanting to appear out of sorts before his audience. His musings were cut short when Iella Antilles, standing in the back with her youngest daughter, slipped out to check on the missing bride.

Luke couldn't help himself… he followed her search with the Force; wanting to know if he'd been correct in his guess. But when Iella suddenly grew sorrowful and worried, Luke began to fear the worst.

She appeared at the back and caught Wedge Antilles's eye from where he stood in Luke's groomsmen line-up. The minimal shake of her head was all the confirmation Luke needed to know the truth, and when her gaze flicked to Luke's her eyes were blinking rapidly as if to ward off tears.

Wedge leaned in to whisper to Han, who stiffened and made to turn to Luke. But to both men's' surprise, Luke was already turning from the altar.

"It's okay guys, I already know," Luke whispered as he tried to reach the exit that led to the ready room for the men.

It didn't take long for the guests to figure out what had happened, and before anyone could blink, Luke was suddenly swarmed by many of the closest holo-journalists.

"Master Skywalker, was this expected?"

"What will you do now, Luke?"

"Will you go after Miss Ming?"

Voices flooded into his hearing, some friend, some foe as his groomsmen held the journalists at bay long enough for Luke and Han to get inside the small room and close the door. A desperate knock a few seconds later sounded, and Han knew it could only be one person.

Luke didn't take notice as Leia was let in and a few holos were flashed between the cracks of the door to catch a glimpse of the broken-hearted Jedi Master. But to Han and Leia's shared alarm, Luke simply sat on his chair, staring into space.

"Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet," Han suggested to his wife in a whisper.

"Han… this is going to break him," Leia worried back in an even tone.

And with those final two words, Luke felt something in him shatter. He crumpled forward onto the desk and buried his head in his arms, sobbing out his grief in great heaves.

Leia, crying for her brother, knelt beside him and gathered her twin into her arms: drawing him away from the cold, unfeeling wood and into her warm, loving embrace. Luke burrowed his face into her shoulder, wetting her dress with his salty streams of tears.

Han felt his own heart crack just a hair and he stepped up to Luke and placed a supportive hand to his shoulder, not bothering to stay dry-eyed.

 _Damn you Callista,_ Han growled to himself.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:**

"Mara, I really wish you would reconsider," Luke told her as she packed her gear after their work-out.

She had stopped by earlier that morning to deliver the supply shipment for the Jedi Academy on Yavin IV, and had been invited by her friend to spar while she was on-planet. Never one to turn down such an opportunity, Mara had readily agreed.

And, as usual, those long drawn-out sessions of mutually-contained violence between them were the best moments of her life. Of course, she'd rather shoot her arm with her hold-out blaster than admit that to Luke Skywalker.

"I already said 'no', Skywalker," Mara said firmly.

She should have known— because it always did— that this workout session would end in another argument between them as to whether or not she would ever finish her Jedi training. He'd broached the subject in a friendly fashion while they'd been in a stale-mate on the exercise mat, and Mara had clammed up… as usual.

Why she always did that to him, even she wasn't quite sure.

"But you could learn so much! And you could even teach the students some of the skills you already have," Luke pressed.

"I've never been much of a teacher," Mara dismissed without looking at him.

"Only because you haven't done it yet," Luke argued. "Mara, why not just give it a few weeks?"

"I already did that, remember?" Mara sighed. "It just wasn't what I was looking for."

Luke was confused now, Mara could feel. "I don't understand; what were you looking for?"

 _If only you knew…_ Mara thought mildly.

"Mara, what am I missing here?" Luke asked.

Mara snorted. "What _aren't_ you missing?"

She'd it muttered under her breath… but apparently she didn't speak softly enough, because her snide remark elicited a sharp intake of breath from Luke.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

Mara cursed herself mentally for her slip of the tongue. She hadn't meant that to be taken in the wrong way.

 _And just how did you expect him to take it, Jade_? Mara asked herself.

She sighed and turned to him. "Nothing, just forget it."

Hefting her bag Mara made to leave, but Luke stepped in her path, his lips thinning for a brief instant.

"Mara, what will it take for you to complete your Jedi training?" he asked outright. "Every time I ask, you find some… reason why you can't."

Mara lifted her chin, hearing his unspoken accusation. "You think I'm making excuses?"

Luke met her gaze evenly. "Yes."

Mara's eye narrowed. "Well, Master Skywalker, you can be assured that I am not ever going to be receptive to your teaching if that's how you plan to get me to cave."

Luke softened a touch, and Mara could see the tiny sliver of hope. She hadn't said she'd _never_ train… but there was also more than a little desperation, and unfortunately that won out.

"Mara…" Luke stepped forward earnestly. "You have _so much_ potential! You would be an amazing Jedi!"

Taken somewhat off-guard by his fervor, Mara threw up her normal shields. "No."

Luke deflated noticeably, and shook his head in defeat. "You have no idea what you're missing out on, Mara. You're wasting your potential. You are denying yourself of _so_ much more than you know!"

A large part of Mara knew that he was right. But, feeling cornered, Mara lashed out in her usual acerbic manner.

"Oh you should talk, Skywalker, with your marvelous love-life as a shining example of what 'no one else is missing'."

As soon as the words left her mouth, Mara regretted every one of them. Luke's face was at first slack with incredulity that she'd bring up something like that, let alone throw it in his face in such a careless manner.

Then hurt and anger flushed his face into a red hue.

"Because you would know," he ground out. "Have you even _had_ a love life? Have you ever loved _anyone_?"

 _YES!_ Mara's heart screamed instantly, taking her aback. _AND ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK ME TO STAY!_

But the Hand in her took over; her years of being alone and of protecting herself firing to life, causing Mara to glare daggers and leave him fuming.

She stormed to the _Jade's Fire_ and closed the ramp, blasting off without waiting for clearance. She never looked back to see Luke scrambling out from the hangar doors to catch up to her and fall to his knees as her engines disappeared into the sky high above.

Mara didn't relax into her seat until the stars became the mottled lines of hyperspace. Only then did she let herself contemplate the desires of her deepest heart of hearts. The way her soul had cried out when he'd asked her if she'd ever loved anyone told her what she'd been trying to deny for years now.

Mara Jade was in love with Luke Skywalker.

But he was too preoccupied with his Academy to love her in return. There was no way they could make a relationship work… was there?

Mara gave up trying to deny her feelings for Luke, and she knew that if Luke ever asked her to stay— not to train, but just to be with him— she would.

 _All you have to do is ask me, Luke…_ Mara mused sadly.

 **00000**

Luke didn't know how long he stood in place, fuming silently as Mara walked away from him. All he knew was that at some point he'd registered that she was leaving and had sprinted to catch her.

But as usual, he'd been too late. He dropped to his knees, watching in despair as her sublight engines became a glowing blue pinpoint, and then disappeared altogether.

He let his chin fall to his chest, and he bit his lip until it bled to keep himself together. Not wanting to make a scene in full view of his students, Luke stood with as much grace as he could muster and walked to his room.

He closed and locked the door… and then rested his forehead against it and let loose.

He'd really done it this time: he'd chased her away for good… and there was not any chance she'd forgive him for _this_ mistake. Of all the insults he could have flung back at Mara, he had to choose the one she'd had no choice in.

 _Blast you, Skywalker, it's no wonder she never wants to stay around you for more than a few hours!_

Luke turned on the spot and slid to the floor with his back to the wall, dropping his head to his knees.

He could place blame on Mara for being the one to start that leg of their fight, but even so, he shouldn't have retaliated as he had.

Luke sobbed for a long while, and then abruptly lifted his head. A spark of determination lit under his rear, and he shot to his feet. Without bothering to pack a thing, Luke sprinted for his X-wing, calling for Artoo to meet him immediately.

Luke was already in his flight suit and ready to blast off by the time his astromech rolled into the hangar.

" _Dooeep_?" Artoo asked as Luke levitated the droid into his socket behind the cockpit.

"We're going after Mara," Luke said shortly.

Without waiting for a response, Luke leapt into his pilot's seat and contacted Watch to let them know he was leaving.

 _I will make this right… somehow… or I will die trying for the rest of my life to make things okay between us._ Luke vowed.

And if she never spoke to him again, then he would at least know he tried to apologize.

But if she _did_ decide to never talk to him or see him again… Luke knew he would never recover from that.

 _Please… don't let me be too late!_ He begged the Force, feeling his already wounded heart clench painfully. _I… I_ love _her!_


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two:**

Mara sat in her pilot's seat, contemplating her next move now that her shipment was complete. Mara had managed to arrive ahead of schedule, and since this had been her only shipment this run, she had a few days to herself.

However, this prospect— nor did anything else she attempted— did nothing take her mind off the surging guilt at the way she'd left Luke this time around. She hadn't missed the deep hurt in Luke's beautiful blue eyes when she'd lanced out about his heart.

She knew all too well how fragile it was. Mara had never forgiven Callista for walking out on Luke at the altar... the little wretch hadn't even left a note or anything. She'd just strung him along for three months, wasting his money— it wasn't like Luke was a rich man— on something she already _knew_ she wasn't about to go through with.

To make matters worse, the entire spectacle had been televised on the Holonet for weeks afterwards, and the poor man couldn't show his face in public for fear of a horde of journalists bombarding him ruthlessly for details they thought they should have.

Even to this day, it was occasionally brought up in the holo-tabloids, most notably when 'love' or 'weddings' were the topic of the day.

Mara knew all too well why Luke was so hesitant to try a relationship again. She also knew he cared for her but, true to her nature, Mara didn't exactly make it easy for him to step out of his comfort zone.

She could see he wanted her to stay, but he'd never ask her. He was probably afraid she'd run out on him... permanently.

And while she knew he had a temper, and they often butted heads, it was usually Mara who was the cause of their arguments. She was so set in her ways; it was hard for her to let him in.

Mara was also aware that Luke had her best interests at heart whenever he asked her to complete her Jedi training. Why did she always have to bite him back so hard on that issue? Would it really kill her to complete her skill-set?

Mara sighed, finally letting the image that had been ruthlessly pushed to the rear of her mind time and time again come to the front. It was that of Luke's face when she'd taken a pot-shot at his heart. And yes, he'd retaliated, but she _had_ cornered him pretty thoroughly on that, so she deserved it.

Mara contemplated her predicament. She was afraid— though it was like chewing glass for her to admit it, even to herself— that she'd lost Luke as a friend this time. She'd finally done it: she had pushed Luke beyond his limitations.

Because, yes, even the great Jedi Master had limits.

And Mara had shoved him over that line entirely. Would he ask her to stay away now? No... he would never do that; he was too sweet in nature. And he was a man of his word. Even if it tore him apart to be near her every day, if she asked to stay and train, he'd let her.

Mara felt her heart clench at the notion that her friendship with Luke was now in shambles. Despite her shields, she couldn't help a few desolate tears.

Luke Skywalker had been the first person to truly and fully accept her for who she was, past included. She hadn't even told Karrde everything before Luke had known. And ever since then, he had done nothing but support her, even when he was dating Callista. He had become her first true friend... her _only_ genuine friend really.

Sure, she had close bonds with Karrde and even Shada, but it wasn't the same: those were business related. Luke was her friend in the real world... the one outside of her own comfort zone.

And the thought of losing that... was too much for the former Emperor's Hand. She had to make this right, even if it meant swallowing her pride so she could apologize to his face.

Thinning her lips in determination, Mara set course for Yavin IV.

 **00000**

"What do you mean she's not here?" Luke demanded from his cockpit, trying hard to keep the desperation at bay.

Karrde's holo narrowed its eyes. "Exactly what I said, Skywalker: Mara is not here."

Luke closed his own eyes. "Do you know where she is?"

"She was on Toydaria completing her delivery, but she managed to finish early, so I gave her the go-ahead to take a few days off. She could be anywhere by now." Karrde didn't sound pleased with the way Luke had snapped at him, and Luke sighed.

"I'm sorry Talon, I don't mean to be a grouch," he said softly, already pulling his ship back around to return to the Academy.

"Luke."

He refocused on the hologram. "What?"

"Is there something wrong?" Talon sounded genuinely concerned. "You don't seem to be yourself."

Luke tried and failed to smile. "I'll be alright... I guess."

Before the other man could retort, Luke cut the line and pushed his ship into hyperspace. Sitting back, Luke let out a world-weary sigh, feeling his hopes crumble all around him, his heart bleeding anew within his chest.

Behind him, Artoo whistled softly, scrolling a tentative question across the display.

 _Master Luke... is there anything I can do?_

Luke, despite his internal pain, had to smile softly at his metal companion. Sometimes that little droid had more of a heart than many of the living beings Luke had met.

"Just get us home safely; I don't think I'll be very much help getting the ship back." He managed. "Thanks little buddy."

Artoo warbled an affirmative and fell silent. Luke was therefore left to his thoughts, the jumbled mess that they were.

He'd gone and done it: he'd lost Mara forever.

He had opened his big mouth when he was angry... and he'd chased her away for good. And no amount of groveling— though he'd gladly do that for her if it got her to reconsider— would convince her to come back.

The tears streamed hot and heavy down his cheeks as the X-wing hurtled through space.

 **00000**

Mara contacted Watch as soon as she was in range, and was informed that shortly after her departure from the Academy, Luke had blasted away too. He hadn't said where he was going; only that he was leaving and would be back soon.

With this in mind, Mara had a few new options. She'd wanted to come to Luke on her own terms... and now she could.

"Is there a place I can land where he won't see my ship?" Mara asked. "I don't want him to know I'm here yet."

"Hold on..." Watch replied. "Yes, there's an old landing strip at the next temple over. But you'll have to hike back."

"That'll work," Mara agreed. "Jade out."

She took her ship in to the designated spot and set down gently. Once there she shut everything down and left the vessel. Then she made the ten-minute trek to the ancient Massassi temple that housed Luke's Jedi Academy. It was early in the evening, so the students were in the process of having dinner, and then doing whatever they wanted afterward until they turned in for the evening. Mara skirted the outdoor training grounds and entered another way.

However, she didn't count on Tionne meeting her once she'd arrived. For the first time since Mara had known the fair-haired woman, she looked truly angry... with Mara.

"Welcome back, Mara," Tionne greeted her tensely.

"Thanks." Mara returned evenly.

"If you're here to hurt Luke some more, then you need to leave." Tionne's mother-of-pearl eyes were harder than ice.

"It's not like that," Mara snapped. "I came to apologize, now get out of my way."

Tionne actually back-stepped at Mara's heated remarks, but she did eventually make way. "He's not here right now."

"No he's not. But I assume he'll be back at some point," Mara replied over her shoulder. "I'll just stay until he does."

Tionne didn't try to stop her again, and Mara made her way up to Luke's room. She let herself in, familiar with his quarters. She closed the door behind her silently, eyeing the darkened space. It was just as she remembered it: spartan in design and bare of anything that wasn't necessary, excepting a few knickknacks here and there.

His furniture was mostly pushed into one area, leaving space in the living room for a workout. When she moved to his bedroom, it was the same idea: sparsely furnished but somehow a little homey. His bed was unmade as though he'd gotten up in a hurry the previous morning and forgotten to make it.

Mara sighed and, realizing she was weary and still somewhat on edge from their fight, sat upon his bed. On a whim, she ran a hand over the sheets on the side he obviously slept on, feeling strangely comfortable in his living space.

Then, in an act of deep-seated need that she was a little bit afraid of, Mara laid down on Luke's bed, resting her head on his pillow. She breathed in his scent, which calmed her straining heart, and sighed deeply, feeling her heart clench anew with shame.

What had she done?

She was such a hard-hearted fool, and now her inability to let anyone in had chased away the only man she'd ever feel comfortable being with. Tears leaked from her eyes, and for once Mara didn't fight them.

Her right hand idly traced the indistinct pattern on his comforter on the opposite side of the bed, and when her hand slipped somewhat under the second pillow, it bumped against something hard.

Frowning, Mara sat up on her elbow and hefted the pillow to inspect her discovery. She lifted both eyebrows to see it was an actual paper journal with a pen tucked into a tiny sleeve on the spine. Openly curious as to why Luke would keep a journal— and what was inside it— Mara sat up and slid off the bed to the floor, the book in hand.

However, once her finger was poised to open the cover, she hesitated. Even Mara knew that journals were the ultimate private property of any person, and to read it without their permission would be unforgivable.

Journals contained the deepest secrets and wants of a person's heart and mind, Mara knew. So... what lay within that of the complex Jedi Master?

Mara peered around, catching sight of the chrono on the bedside table. It was evening, and she didn't know how long it'd be until Luke returned. The thought occurred to her that it could be days, but something told her it wouldn't be nearly that long.

And she _was_ already getting restless...

Biting her lip, Mara flipped the cover open and noted the handwritten script within. Luke had surprisingly neat handwriting, Mara mused with some surprise. Mara turned the cover page and peered at the first entry... and promptly gasped, dropping the journal in complete shock.

Heart pounding nearly out of her chest, Mara sat staring numbly at the book for several minutes before she managed to gather it up in trembling hands again.

She returned to the first entry and reread the first word.

 _Mara_.

She frowned, and then on a whim flipped through more pages, and to her ultimate surprise the journal only had a few entries... all of them dated around each of her visits from before this last one. And every single one of them after the first page started with a letterhead... to her.

Mara sat in stunned silence, her breathing somewhat labored... but now she _had_ to know why Luke Skywalker would write about Mara Jade in a journal... and then hide it from view.

Taking a steadying breath, Mara returned to the first entry and began to read.

 _Mara has left again. I don't know why she refuses to complete her teaching in the Jedi arts. It's not like it would kill her to fulfill her potential. Sometimes she can frustrate me to no end._

 _But that's not what I wish to focus on. No... I want somewhere to lay out my heart... because I fear that if I did so with Mara... I'm afraid I'd chase her away forever._

 _And that would break me more so than when... when Callista left me... the second time._

 _Each time Mara visits, my heart is lifted. Just to see her in person is enough to make a bad day so much better. But to have her so close, to be able to talk with her... is so much more than just wonderful._

 _And yet, we seem to always bump heads. I'm not ignorant; I know I am the cause sometimes. Perhaps we're both too stubborn for our own good._

 _Either way, every time she leaves, my heart grows heavy again. But what can I do about it?_

 _Nothing... because I'm a coward when it comes to the heart._

Mara finished reading and turned the page.

 _Mara,_

 _I am terrified to give my heart away again._

 _I've been hurt too many times, Mara._

 _I am not very easy to love and… well... I am the kind of man who, when he falls in love, he gives his whole heart to that woman._

Mara gasped at that, wondering if he was insinuating what she thought he was. She read on.

 _And when that heart gets treated poorly, broken, or completely abandoned… it's very hard to ever give it away after that. Oh, how I wish to give my all to you, Mara... but I cannot take the risk of losing you entirely. I would never recover from that._

 _So, though I love you with all the heart I have remaining, I am too scared to say it aloud. I am afraid of what would happen. Would you run away from me? Or would you stay. And then if you did stay, would it be because you felt obligated to return my affections?_

 _Listen to me: I am so screwed up I can't even tell when someone genuinely cares anymore. I used to know... or I thought I did. But if that was true, why didn't I see Callista's deception?_

 _I'm sorry: you don't want to hear my sob story on that... but know that her actions are the root of my problem._

 _... Why did you have to leave? Why do you always have to run off... and leave me? Am I so bad to be around for more than a day?_

 _I guess all I can do is keep an eye on the skies, and wait for the day I see the_ Jade's Fire _slipping like a graceful blade through the atmosphere._

 _So, until we see each other again... be well._

The entry ended and Mara sat, stunned.

With quivering fingers, she turned the page.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three:**

When Luke touched back down on Yavin IV's surface, it was raining, and he was so caught up in his misery that he didn't acknowledge anyone or any presences. He simply made his slow, agonized way up to his room.

 **00000**

It had been several hours, and Mara was now on the last entry. To her mild surprise, it was also several pages long, like he'd not been able to stop once he'd begun.

She had been correct earlier: every time she visited Luke on Yavin IV, and then left, he wrote in his journal. The limited number of notes by the Jedi Master was a testament to how few times that actually was.

It was both embarrassing and heat-wrenching to her.

And he hadn't just written _things_ in the notebook... he'd poured out his _soul_ into every word written, and she'd spotted tear stains on every page. There were a few places where the ink was smudged, or his writing had become less than perfect, probably from a shaking hand, but he had pushed through each time.

Now she was on the final note, and she couldn't tear her gaze away.

 _My dearest Mara,_

 _I did it again: I let you fly away without telling you what was bursting inside of me. Every time you stand there at the entry ramp to your ship and look at me, almost as though you're waiting for me to say_ something, _and yet I don't... I kick myself._

 _Why do I have to be such a damned coward? I_ want _to tell you how I feel, yet I don't. I'm certain it would drive you away... or am I?_

 _Oh, Mara..._

 _I... I love you. I love you so,_ so _much. I am so at peace whenever you are near. Even when you're mad at me, I am still happy because you're close. You drive me absolutely crazy... in a good way of course._

 _When your eyes meet mine, I can hardly breathe. I do my best to hide it when I sneak glances your way, but there have been times when you've caught me, and all I can do is remind myself to inhale, and then exhale. Your eyes are jewels in a face of porcelain skin._

 _Did I mention I absolutely adore your freckles? I secretly count them in meditation classes. Well, at least I did when you came... that one time. It's like they are the last remaining mark of the little, innocent girl I know you were at one time. I love that, even if you don't._

 _As for your hair... Mara, it's like someone took silk and sculpted it to resemble a fire. Your hair is_ so _gorgeous. And when the light hits it just so... I am blow away. You remind me of an angel when it glows. I will admit that I have often wondered what it would be like to run my fingers through your locks... and not lose them in the process._

 _Your skin... well, I have already said it looks like porcelain. But unlike that material, your skin is smooth, creamy, and warm to the touch. I know this from the few times we have touched skin to skin, even if it was just hand upon hand._

 _As for your body... it's utterly perfect in every way. You have lovely curves, not that I stare, but I'd have to be blind not to notice. Mara, I must confess... I have often daydreamed of what it would be like to hold you in my arms, and not just for a few seconds. What would it be like to cradle you to me, just because?_

 _Personality. Where do I even begin? You try to hide behind a rough and tough exterior, and I understand why. But I also know it hides a kind, caring person underneath. I have caught glimpses of that woman from time to time, thought its mostly when you think no one will notice._

 _You have such a good heart, despite the years you spent under Palpatine. You remained whole, and you retained your identity... even while your world crumbled around you. You never gave up, and you persevered. I cannot tell you enough how much you inspire me, Mara._

 _Did I already say how much I admire you for your will to complete tasks you begin?_

 _I love sparring with you, Mara. You have no idea what it's like for me to find a partner who I can let go completely with. Not that I am full of myself, but I realize I have years of experience on the other Force users here. Except you. And whether we like it or not, it's because of your past: your training._

 _But when we practice with our lightsabers, I am in heaven. I get to see the side of you most fear and would avoid. But I drink it in, because it's as much a part of you as is your name._

 _And what a lovely name it is too. I love the sound of your name, and when it comes from my lips, the taste of it is sweet as honey. And Jade perfectly describes your eyes, which are the windows to your beautiful soul._

 _A soul I would very much like to have beside me for the rest of my days._

 _Oh, Mara... pleased try to understand where I'm coming from. And I know it's hard for you too, don't think I'm that obtuse, but you at least have— to my knowledge— never had your heart ripped put and handed freshly bleeding to you by a 'loved one'._

 _That sounds callous, I realize, but I had to speak my heart, despite how much it hurts._

 _Mara... I wish I could just be brave. I used to be fearless. When I was fresh off the farm, I had little concept of such a feeling... at least in this context. I wouldn't have been as scared to open up to you. Shy, certainly. But I'd still at least try._

 _Now... now I'm just a lonely coward who waits until the woman of his dreams flies away to bear his feelings to the page._

 _I love you..._

 _Please, oh please, love me back..._

 _I wish I could say all this to your face. But I fear my courage would run away screaming, leaving me to just stare mutely at your expectant face... and then kick myself when you leave wearing that expression that shows you're hurt but trying to hide it._

 _I can read you well, Mara, though I try often to hide that fact. I know when you're hurting, and I do my best to perk you up, even at my own expense._

 _Well, I guess it's time to end this; I've run out of things to say... well, coherent thoughts anyway..._

 _All I can hope for is that we at the very least remain friends. You mean so much to me, Mara. I couldn't imagine a galaxy without you in it. But as much as I'd love to be more than friends— stars, Mara I'd love to be_ far _more than friends— I would rather not say so and risk losing that._

 _Thus, until I find my elusive courage, I will remain tortuously silent._

 _... I often wonder, however... if maybe you don't feel something for me too. Every now and then I see a flicker of... something from you. But any time I try to decipher it, it's gone so fast I think I've imagined it._

 _Anyway, I will let you alone._

 _... Always my heart will be yours..._

 _~Luke_

Mara didn't realize she was crying until a few droplets dripped onto her hand. Mara moved to wipe it away when she heard something that stopped her heart: Luke was just outside his rooms!

The front door opened... closed again, and Mara sat with a now pounding organ in hot anticipation. However, Luke did not move from the door, judging by the lack of footsteps. She did, however, hear the tell-tale sound of fabric sliding down a wall... and then there was strained silence, broken only by unsteady breathing before he broke down into inconsolable sobs.

Mara, not having ever seen Luke in such a state, was glues in place, petrified beyond reason for his imminent discovery. Because not it was inevitable.

Why was she so afraid anyway, the Hand part of her demanded to know. The rest of Mara shushed that voice, and waited anxiously. Several long minutes passed before Luke fell quiet.

She heard nothing for a long time ad then the door to the bedroom opened, and Mara tensed...

The door closed behind him... and then Mara felt a sharp wave of shock when his eyes settled on her. Mara swallowed uncomfortably, feeling like a kid with her hand caught in the cookie jar.

"M-Mara?" Luke stammered, coming closer.

Mara felt her cheeks burn, and his gaze became concerned... until he rounded the bed and saw what she held... opened and read... in her lap.

He stopped cold, his eyes riveted to the journal, chest working unevenly. Finally his red-rimmed blue eyes lifted, and he swallowed with great difficulty. Mara could see his certainty that she would fly into a rage and leave him forever.

Luke stood paralyzed with fear, his gaze not leaving her's until the silence became too much for him to bear. He tried to find something to say, but he couldn't stop his sudden trembling, and ended up collapsing onto the bed in a semi-seated position.

"I understand if you never want to see me again, Mara," Luke finally said hoarsely. "That is all I have to offer you, my very heart and soul. It is yours to do with as you wish."

When she still didn't respond he nodded, curled up in his bed and faced away from her.

Still sitting on the floor, it was a long, long time before Mara puckered up her courage.

"Luke?" she whispered without leaving the floor.

"Yes, Mara?" he whispered back.

"Do… do you really love me so?" she asked in a very small voice.

Luke didn't even hesitate. What was the point of hiding it any longer after all? "Yes. I do."

Mara took a shuddering breath, feeling her hard heart lose the remainder of its diamond coating. And, since she didn't know how else to respond— this was very new territory for her—she said the only thing that felt _right_.

"Truly?" she went on in the same small voice.

"With my whole being," Luke said, waiting for the inevitable rejection.

"Kiss me?" Mara breathed, daring to hope.

She felt Luke tense in total shock, sensed his mind freeze with those two words.

"Wh-what?" he asked, finally turning around to sit up.

"Kiss me." She repeated, not able to meet his eyes. She was quivering.

Luke dropped to the floor beside her, taking in her trembling form.

Placing one hand under her chin, he carefully lifted and turned her face… and with all the tenderness he could muster, he kissed her mouth.

Mara's mind exploded at the intimate touch, at how soft his lips really were. He tasted far better than any delicacy she'd ever sampled from the Empire's top chefs, and far sweeter than any wine.

He pulled back to look at her, but stayed so close that all she had to do was lift her head an inch.

His scent, so close to her, drove Mara crazy... and without realizing it, Mara lifted her hand to feel his face. She ran fingers over the hint of stubble on his chin, then the scars from his time on Hoth. She traced the contours of his entire visage with her fingertips and eyes.

He closed his eyes at her feather-light touch, and tried to keep his rapidly beating heart from pounding its way out of his chest.

Then she closed the gap, and decided to test what it would be like for _her_ to kiss _him_.

When her lips brushed his with a feather-light touch, Luke's breathing became a little uneven, but he didn't rush her.

Mara's mouth quivered as she paused, mere millimeters from his lips.

And then, craving more of this man— whom she now understood her own feelings for— Mara wrapped her arms about him and pulled him close. She reclaimed his lips, and Luke responded eagerly, but gently. Mara leaned back, still on the floor, and Luke came with her.

She pulled him tight and, in the building heat of the moment, Mara traced her tongue against his still-closed mouth.

He sucked in a passionate breath, taken by surprise by the sensation.

By the stars, no woman had _ever_ kissed him like Mara was doing right now!

He ran his own tongue over her lips in response, testing the sensation for himself, and when her lips parted to invite him deeper, he did so gladly. Mara moaned, driving Luke mad, and when she pushed him just so he rolled, allowing her to be on top of him.

Mara lay fully atop him, and Luke's senses went wild at the feel of her body pressed to his in such a manner.

"Mara!" he gasped, breathing heavily.

She only responded by reclaiming his mouth yet again, and this time she entwined her limbs with his... but when he felt thing building too much, he broke away, taking in air at a rapid rate.

"Mara... Mara wait..." he breathed when she resorted to running her lips across his neck. Luke shuddered with pleasure, and he wanted for nothing more than to go all the way with her... but not yet.

Mara finally yielded when he rolled them again so she was beneath him, and he held himself up on his arms and knees.

"Not like this..." he pled with her softly.

Mara eyed him oddly. "Then how?"

"I want to do this right," he whispered to her. "The way Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru taught me."

Mara studied him intently. "And what does that mean?" she queried.

"I want to get to know you _personally_... and then I'd like to... to marry you." He trembled as he confessed this to her, waiting with baited breath for her response.

Mara felt her lips and heart lift in a smile. "I think I can manage that."

Luke laughed shakily and then kissed her once more before he moved away, holding out a hand to her. However, when he started to rise, Mara tugged on his arm, sidling up to him.

"Hold me?" she petitioned.

Luke dint argue, he merely wrapped her in his embrace and held her until they were both content.

And then he held her some more.


	5. Epilogue

**Epilogue:**

 **(One year later)**

Luke paced the length of his dressing room, hands wringing as he fretted over this or that. However, as Han gazed at him like he had once before, he knew what the root issue was with Luke.

He was doing it again. He was getting married.

Only this time, Han knew it was for real. Mara would be as likely to walk out on Luke as the coat markings were to abandon the spotted cyal cat on Toydaria. In other words, the nine Sith hells would freeze over before that happened.

"Kid, you know she's going all the way on this, right?" Han asked him finally.

Luke sighed. "Yes, I know."

"Then why the nerves?"

Luke grimaced. "I _know_ Mara will walk that aisle... it's just... subconsciously, I..." Luke sat with a shamed look. "I guess my mind is... just preparing for a repeat."

Han stepped up and placed a hand to his brother's shoulder. "Luke, I can understand that, and there's nothing wrong with preparing for the worst. But, marriage is about trust. And if you can't trust Mara to walk that aisle and take your hand and name, then you shouldn't be here."

"I do trust her!" Luke snapped, though Han knew he wasn't angry at him. "I..."

Then he deflated, and Han saw him close his eyes. He was certain Luke was willing away his doubts in the Force. Sure enough, when the other man reopened his eyes they blazed with a determination Han hadn't seen since before Callista.

"I'm ready," Luke stated, walking out the door before Han could stop him.

 **00000**

Mara felt her heart beating in anticipation of the moment as the bridal party left her sight one by one until it was just her and Karrde, her chosen escort.

"Ready?" Karrde asked her, and Mara nodded.

He smiled and led her gracefully down the aisle. Mara's gaze found Luke and held fast. And she had never before felt so beautiful... so _loved_ as she did in that moment when he blinked back happy tears.

Mara sensed his joy, his bliss... and his love for her grew a thousand-fold just for Mara's simple act of being there when she said she would. Mara smiled at him, and he laughed shakily, wiping at his face as his eyes overflowed.

Karrde handed Mara over to Luke, and her groom accepted her hand gently.

As they gazed into each other's eyes, the words of their officiator were heard and acknowledged, though their full attention was on each other.

When it came time for the vows, Luke went first.

"Mara, you are the most wonderful person I have ever known. You bring my world to life, and I can't believe it took me so long to gather the courage to start our relationship anew. This last year has made me so happy, and I look forward to being your only, constant and utterly faithful companion. I will stay beside you through the hard times and the good, in sickness and health. Until the stars all fade away and the galaxy dies, I will love you, and only you. You are my world, my heart, my everything. I love you."

He placed her simple wedding band in place, and then Mara went into her vows.

"Luke. My Farmboy. I have never been as happy as when I was with you. Even before we agreed on our deeper feelings, I think I loved you. I still do, and I always will. I promise to be faithful to you: I will never betray your trust. I accept your heart, and I will cherish and protect it, always... so long as you do the same with mine. I cannot wait to spend the rest of eternity with you at my side, day and night. No matter what lies ahead, I am yours."

Once his ring was in place, the officiator said something else, but all Luke heard after that was 'you may kiss the bride.'

Luke wasted no time in bringing his bride close and placing the tenderest of kisses upon her lips. However, Mara demanded more by wrapping her arms about his neck and deepening the kiss.

 _I love you Luke._ Mara told him in the Force.

 _I love you too, Mara... always._


End file.
